


theseus

by seolvienti



Category: Dream SMP - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Bonding, Chaos, Choices, Family Bonding, Fanfiction, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Pain, Personal Growth, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sense Of Betrayal, Trauma, Villains, War, breakdowns, broken trust
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:02:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27795838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seolvienti/pseuds/seolvienti
Summary: do you want to be a hero tommy? then die like one.when techno had gone to compare tommy to theseus no one had thought much of it. unbeknownst to them tommy would be exhiled by the very people he had placed his trust and unwavering loyalty to. the tragedy arc with Wilbur and Schlatt may have ended time ago but another one brews. the start of a unsettling crashing reality when tommyinnit realizes that power can corrupt. that Dream is the one pulling the strings. exhiled and humiliated he has to finally make a choice. the choice that decides his fate and those around him.
Comments: 26
Kudos: 158





	1. fallen from grace

he had full faith in tubbo. 

anyone knew that he trusted tubbo with his very life. that very disc he gave to the other proving his deepened trust. his faith in the other whom was his best friend. so, why did he feel so uneasy? like a sudden crawling nausea that clings to his skin and makes his heart stutter. his stomach and heart weighing heavily and his eyes flicker to avoid. he trusted tubbo to make the right call so why _was _he so anxious?__

__"I was justified-- I- they stole it _all _from me. burned my houses and bases down. stood against us and sided with schlatt. I know I'm right, I'm always right." he could feel the bead of sweat roll down the side of his face. sitting on his bed as his body hunches over. his hands wiping against his bedsheets. taking a deep breath as he pinched the bridge of his nose. his heart nearly drops when he considers that, that very option could happen. neither options were good ones. in one he got exhiled and in another, tubbo gave the disc he gave _him _as a sign of his very _trust _._______ _

________... either option he would leave._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________his loyalty had always been unwavering. he had always stood by l'manburg even when shit was ugly. he had kept loyal to Wilbur even as he spiraled into his madness. he had kept loyal through it _all _. but, his loyalty and his mentality had their limits. he considered that he really truly might be reaching his very limit now. it was so fucking unfair. he was in the fucking right as they had done this to him. they had ruined his home too, so why? nothing made sense the more he sat there. the more he was left alone with his thoughts.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________he was loud and he was foul mouthed he knew. but, they seemed to neglect that he was not as stupid as they thought. they forget that he had pushed aside all of what he needed and wanted to do for l'manburg and them. he had sacrificed one of his discs for independence. so why the fuck did it seem like Dream was playing a puppeteer game with his home? why did it seem like that the longer he thought this was all a game? a game in which Dream currently had the most power in?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"I don't know what techno's doing, but, I know for now--"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________his mind pauses at that very moment. he stops himself from saying anything further. his hands raise as he slaps his cheeks. a deep inhale as he clenches his eyes shut. the repeating phrases that ring in his head. the words of his elder brother ringing through it. Theseus. Hero. Fool. fucking hell it was driving him mad. there's the small voice that whispers to wonder... what if he was right?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"no-- we won't speak to him. he's an enemy to l'manburg..."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"and I think he's an enemy of me."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________was he an enemy of his? he was beginning to seem like a _very _unlikely ally with the current cards at the table. no. he can't think that. Techno became their enemy the moment he turned against them and l'manburg. but-- he had also told them he was an anarchist. he didn't stand with the government. they had made a government before his very eyes as well. he still doesn't understand how it prompted the speech. the speech where he was compared to theseus. however, he can also see somewhat very slightly what could've prompted it.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________was he going to be theseus like his brother said?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"tommy."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________his eyes raise as his body instinctively begins to straighten. Fundy stands at the doorway. his brows knit to furrow as he stands there. his nephew has grown and he's still bitter about his having to report for two weeks. the light from out streaks in and he knows what's happening._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"let's go, the trial awaits. much as your judgement."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________the click of his tongue as soon as fundy says those words. right, it was the second of december. the day where it was decided on how to go about his crimes. a 'war crime' he had done. raising off the bed with the creak of springs. he for once takes a moment to calm himself. something he never needed to do before but now he feels overwhelmed. he feels like the world is truly turning against him. that these people, his family, was turning against him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"Well lead the way furry." he gives a sharp confident wicked grin. the red head making a face as he's called a furry. muttering to follow and soon being followed by that he wasn't a furry._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________the sun is beating down. the brief rustle of the wind brings a moment of peace. the illusion that all was fine if it weren't for how much more empty the streets of l'manburg were. all very likely waiting the court room for his judgement. his mind holding him to a faulty reassurance. that things would be normal, normal like how growing up with Phil, Techno, Wilbur, and Tubbo was._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________...._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________was his father going to watch him be exhiled this time?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________was he going to be exhiled for a second time?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________was this going to be a repeat of it all? was he going to be cast aside again but alone this time? He no longer had Wilbur to walk the hellish path alongside him. He couldn't endanger his father by involving himself in this. He couldn't ask Techno for help. hell he was unsure still even as he mulled over it. tubbo... he was the one making judgment with all of the others on his fate. he couldn't ask him for help. he was ready doing everything he could to probably keep his sorry ass to stay._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________his heart thrummed in his chest wildly. the sounds around him deafening to a lonesome silence. a sudden chill of isolation through his veins. a dazed sight that loses all before him even as he trudged to follow. it felt like he was walking through mud or worse. his brows twitch when he recalls the smells of blood, gunpowder, steel, and more._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________he feels his head spin when he gets the heated sharp and short abrupt flashes. talking with tubbo before the war. figuring out who was on their side. being suspected a traitor. blood. weapons. arrows. firewo-_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________he blinks a few times as he grows aware he's standing in the courtroom._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________when had he gotten there and when had he been settled in this... prison again._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________he licks his chapped lips as he stands there. eyes aimlessly wandering around the scene as he catches sight of everyone. Nikki, Puffy, Ranboo, George, Karl, Sapnap, BBH, Fundy, and more are here all seated. all watching and awaiting for the trial to start. he can see his father in the crowd. he looks worried._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________afterall, he had a son whom was exhiled, another who is dead, and another who's fate was yet to be told._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________the clearing of a throat garners his attention as his head turns. Tubbo, Fundy, Quackity, and Dream stand at the very stage of judgment. even beneath that stupid white smiling fucking mask he could feel a sense of mockery. he could feel the beuning stares into him as tubbo pulls the trial right into session. successfully gaining all of the attention of the courtroom. a discussion which was supposed to be done within holy land turned to courtroom. his safety very much not guaranteed by any means as he stands there._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"today in this courtroom we're gathered here today to witness the trial of tommyinnit. a trial for treason he's committed against Georgenotfound by robbing and griefing his house." tubbo speaks loudly as he addresses the trial. he holds his tongue back at the grieving. holding back his harsh retorts and words of undivided mockery and spite. by hell had he griefed. hadn't they blown his house and shit up before? what kind of fucked system was this?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"on an earlier date of the twenty-ninth of November we held a mandatory short trial on tommyinnit. where he was found guilty by witness accounts and clear video evidence of his crimes. the crimes he says he committed on his own accord with no accomplices." tubbo has his stare locked onto him. it truly reminds him that tubbo was president, a high figure to say. he's also as silently glad that Ranboo remains innocent. he'd take whatever shitty punishment they deemed fit for him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"today we pass on the punishment towards his crime against the king of the dream smp-"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________his heart is racing and he feels like he's suffocating. he feels himself begin to sweat as tension fills the room. silent murmurs within the crowd as they wait to hear what the verdict was. his body straining and he can feel every muscle shiver and tense. he can feel his heart skip a few times and hear the loud deafening intensity. how he swears he can almost hear schlatt's words to him and Wilbur once more._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________the low rumbling tone of memory, **I WANT THEM GONE**._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________he subconsciously shudders at the memory. he doesn't know if he looks petrified but he can almost sense the rising sick satisfaction rising within Dream._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"the decided punishment is-"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________breaths hitch and the crowd grows more antsy. more voices raising and all moving hushes of silence. he can't find it in himself to even bother to care what they say. not yet, not right now. his sole attention focused on the four that stood before him with the final decision. his mouth feels dry now, he feels at a loss of his voice. he can't find himself to speak or focus on anything else. he felt the unease return in a fill today wave. mocking him silently about how much of a stupid little boy he was. he was just as fucked as they all were. watching his brothers spiral into different paths of destruction. watching Wilbur fall to madness when schlatt took presidency, the exile, the tnt, he remembers it all. he was there and he had to witness it all._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________he was going to meet the same fate as either one or perhaps both._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"-revoking the rights of Tommyinnit and exhiling him from l'manburg."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________the loud laughter from dream as he stares upon him. laughing with a tone of victory. He feels his entire soul drop and it all comes crashing down. all of it falls apart like glass and he realizes that everything as going in the enemies favor. gaining control of it all. he stutters quietly the name of Wilbur. stumbling back as his arms raise. his eyes flashing panic and dread. the pounding of his skull as the memories stab into him. he feels more lost the moment he sees it._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Tubbo pulling out the disc and handing it towards Dream._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"Tubbo what the fuck! what the fuck are you doing?!" his voice shrieks aloud in resented horror and anguish. his mouth agape seeing the look tubbo gives him. a sorrow filled one but he averts his eyes..his anger pushes over as he yells in anger. frustration as he yells his curses and words of harsh ice._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"I fucking gave that to you- I- I gave that to you to show you how much I trusted you! and then you-- you fucking give it to him?!-"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________his eyes flare as his fists clench by his sides._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"Just know... you **fucked** up."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________he seethes before he turns on his heel. he's been exhiled. he deafening out the voices and all the noises. he doesn't hear it anymore, he doesn't want to..bursting past the doors, he's running. running and stumbling to get away. gasping as he runs back to his house. his body shaking as he runs away from the courtroom. his mind shaken as his heart and soul was. unable and unwanting to accept what had happened, had happened._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________the moment he's in his home he's grabbed a bag and wasting no time throwing all of his valuables and further into it. his heart racing and his mind panicked. his hands shaking as he shoves things into his bag._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________his heart clenching and his jaw tightening._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________swinging the bag over his shoulders he's off again. he doesn't know where but he's gone. ignoring it all as he runs and slips down the hills. running away from the place he had called home and gasping out. his body running to exhaust him. his adrenaline and emotions are running high. he knows he's always been one to follow his heart and emotions. he can remember being told to follow his heart. he's a fool but he refuses to accept it. running till eventually he doesn't know how far he's run._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________just far enough to know that's he's fallen from grace._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	2. what happens now?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> exhiled and humiliated, where on earth is tommy now and what does he do now?

he's been running for gods knows how long.

fatigue is catching up to him quickly as he begins to slow. It's growing colder as he grows aware he's ventured _very_ far out from home. the green grass begins to turn to white snow covering the land. gradually but surely he finds himself in the land of winter. his muscles burning and he collapses to the ground heaving. his hands dig into the snow as he takes dragging deep breaths.

he doesn't even notice it at first until it begins to fall. until he feels his face dampen and drops fall into the snow as he hunches over in the spot he's fallen.

he's crying.

why was he crying now?

there's no stopping large salty wet tears from developing and falling. his vision blurring as the tears falls into snow. stinging his eyes as his body trembles. he cries aloud into the snow where it's turned to a deafened sound within the snowing winter. his brows knit as he wails his anguish. every emotion finally spilling over as he realizes it all.

he realizes that tubbo really had exiled him.

he realizes that his very best friend, his most trusted friend, had exhiled him and given his disc to that _fucker_.

it felt like he was being punished for God knows what. he was being beaten down more and more as time passed. like this was some sick joke and he really didn't deserve a single thing. 

Techno had been right about his fate. he had become theseus, he had been the hero to sacrifice it all for l'manburg only to be returned with his own exile. it was fucking unfair and he couldn't understand why it had. no... he could. it was because of that green fucker. Dream. he was the one pulling the strings of this puppet show after all. his emotions run high but they begin to die down. the coldness bites at his skin and he's freezing. the cold puffs of air passing his chapped lips. reddened hands from the freezing snow as he wipes his eyes. he has no time to cry.

he's willing himself to stand up again and _move_. his body is retaliating at his attempts to. aching and burning that his body is at the limits and was exhausted. the winter not helping and worsening it all. he knows that the longer he stays the more endangered he grows with his life and more. God's knows what the fuck is out in this icy fuckland. grasping his forearms he staggering as he finally begins to move. his feet sinking into the blankets of snow. coldness seeping through his body as he trudges through the snow.

all that surrounds him are towering trees and the sight of white. it's all beginning to blur together and he's growing colder. hell at this moment he thinks he's hallucinating because he finds himself standing still. disoriented staring at someone before him.

"who the fuck are _you_?"

the person before him seems at least around his age closely. her eyes have a worried look in them as she stands there. specks of snow in her hair and dotting her winter clothing. he doesn't recall every meeting her before. or... maybe he has but it's just all getting to him. he's losing it.

"seol. sky. I'm whatever is desired to be called. I'm simply someone who's here to tell you what you need to know. _my_ terms of what you need to know."

he can tell from her expression that he's clearly making one that doesn't make her happy. he couldn't care less of he was. he didn't know who she was. she was a stranger and he doesn't even know where she fucking came from. he doesn't know why her voice rings so clearly despite the whistle of the wind and the roar of the snow. it feels like they're talking in a moment where it wasn't a winter hell. his fucking head is pounding and he's growing colder.

"Well, **seol**. what the fuck is it that you need to tell me?" his eyes narrow and he stops the best way he can from his teeth chattering. he doesn't know if she has the startling relevation he might freeze to death before she gets to it-- but, she suddenly throws a thick winter coat at him from her bag? fuck he isn't sure bit he curses when she suddenly does and it hits his face. dragging it off as he glares towards the other. grumbling as he shrugs the coat on. managing to grant him some warmth from the freezing unforgiving season.

"tommy, you and I both know that _he_ was right. You've become theseus. You've been exhiled by the very people you stood with. the ones you sacrificed so much for." her stare is harsh and piercing as they stand ways away from each other but close enough. her brows are knit to furrow and a frown is resting on her lips. he goes to argue with her words but he falters.

he doesn't have a voice to speak. because, he had been right. he'd become theseus just like he had said. he had done everything to try an ensure the safety of his home, had made it clear he had a duty, yet... he was here. exiled like his brother and... alone. he had no one and that's what hurt the most.

there was no Wilbur to tell him some story, sing a song, or tell him it would be fine if they were in this together. his brother was gone and there was no smile and a messy ruffle to his hair that he could scowl about.

there was no Philza to protect him or tell him that all was well. there was no telling him a story about his brothers, no story of memories he either could recount or couldn't. there was nothing from his father to tell him all was well. to tell him to wash his worries away because he was there.

there was no Techno to mock him and bully him but still protect him. there was no playful banter or a familiar understanding of a family bond. a seemingly rough relationship with an anarchist brother. there was no potato joking, no playful bullying of siblings banter. nothing to make him feel safe once more.

and...

there was no tubbo. no best friend who'd used to do stupid shit with him. run around laughing and pushing each other. no falling down into the lakes laughing aloud. no adventures, no warmth, no bees. no tubbo. 

all he could recall was that tubbo had betrayed him.

left him for dead in exile and giving the disc he had given him as a sign of his trust and faith in him to dream.

"you need to make a choice, Tommyinnit."

when his eyes raise to look at her he can see it. a raw emotion he can clearly judge, the raw emotion of a serious intensity. a burning flame to try and do something or make _him_ do something about his fate. he needed to make a choice and he remains silent as his eyes draw down. staring at the snow on the ground as they leave indents of footsteps in the snow that'll soon be covered. wiping away the fact that he or anyone else had been there.

"do you want to take this lying down like a little bitch or do you want to take this fight till the end? I'm asking if you want to survive to give your divine retribution to those that wronged you."

divine retribution against those who had wronged him? the ones who made his life a miserable hell the more he worked and fought towards a goal? that green fucker, the colorblind one, the fucking traitors, all of them? he wanted them to all feel a portion of how he had felt when they thrown him to the side. he wanted to see them know the pain. so, he looks to her. a new fire brews and the sparks of flames start the fire within him. the strong desire to live and figure out a way of what he can do.

"you've made your choice then. I wish you the best of luck, tommy. the rest of your story is all up to you, theseus." 

she gives a nod and before he knows it he can see her retreating figure leaving. her back facing him as she grows smaller the farther she goes till he can no longer see her. her steps covered by the snow as he takes a deep breath that makes his lungs sense the cold ferocity.

he needed to find Techno.

there was no signs that his brother would willingly help him either. he had literally with the rest created a government before his eyes. he had known his brother was a lone wolf but fuck. his brother had been right when he said power corrupts. the more he thought about it the more pieces fell into place and he understood. this was all a game and in order to change it all for the way desired he needed his brother's help. hated to admit it to the pig fucker but he needed his help to find a way to even the game board.

he begins to move again but there's no hiding the wave of disorientation and nausea the moment he does. pulling the winter clothing tighter around him as he stuffs his hand winter the pockets freezing cold and he curses not even having winter gear. he didn't have anything suitable to help his survival but he would figure it out. tommyinnit could always figure this shit out so nothing was going to stop him now. he didn't stop before so that didn't mean he'd keel over now and give up.

he wasn't no little bitch. he was a big man, he could do this.

time seems to pass and he isn't sure how long but he's been walking. the sky is still dark and snow is still falling but it's growing more noticeably darker. likely a start of nightfall, he needs to be faster. the mobs would come and he could die, he was in no condition to fight. his chattering teeth as he tries to seek the warmth of his jacket. trying to distract himself the best he can.

distract himself with the warm memories. his father and his brothers all laying down on a sunny summer day beneath a tree. napping away all laying there against their father or each other. covered by his wings and feeling the warm ease. the feeling of when he and Wilbur had been exhiled and it was a cold night. when his brother held him and eased his wreckful sobbing and offered him a moment to find solace. the memory of sitting around the campfire with all of them, sitting next to Techno and using his cape to hold around himself for warmth.

he distracts himself and it only motivates him to continue moving further. he can't waste time when it comes down to it. he had a mission to do and that was to both survive and bring retribution and more. he wasn't going to take this shit lying down like a little bitch.

he doesn't know how long he's been walking hut he can see a developing clearing the more he walks. the outlines of houses and the sight of smoke even if hidden and blurred by the falling snow. the possibility of a village and he's suddenly running. nearly falling and nearly collapsing when he uses nonexistent energy to run. the cold stings his cheeks and exposed skin. eyes shining with a burning hope for a moment of refuge. he feels a wave of relief when he nears it and there is indeed a village of the winter biome.

some villagers give him looks as he passes. he can't find it in him to care right now as he walks through the village. stepping towards the inn as the door opens. trudging inside with the creak of the floorboards. some people casting looks towards him but ultimately he's focused on the innkeeper. standing there at the desk as he relishes in the warmth momentarily.

"a room for the night, singular room and bed." the hummed grunt from the innkeeper as he digs around his bag. he might have frostbite but he isn't sure. he can only hope it wasn't that bad by the time he entered the room if he did afford it. he uses what he's stolen from those certain fuckers back home to pay. seeming to be enough to satisfy to be given a room key. he's not wasting time to head upstairs and find his room and just overall pass out. he was exhausted and the more the warmth melted away the cold the more fatigue came. his body had been pushed to the limits.

the moment the door to his given room opened he had closed and locked it. dropping his bag on the floor by the side of the bed. kicking off his shoes and throwing his coat to the side as he collapses onto the bed. a muffled sigh as he laid face first and spread out on the bed. sticking his hands under the pillows before rolling onto his back. 

he mentally recounts all of the events so far. he feels his heart ache as he does. the sense of betrayal fresh in his wounded heart and trust. he's truly lost it all hasn't he? he's lost his home and he's lost his friends and family. that voice in his mind chides that maybe he deserves it. that maybe this was the end for the great tommyinnit and his tale. 

he was exhausted.

exhausted in the ways of his physical body but also emotionally and mentally. all these events brought him to a spiraling hell but he refused to fall to a madness his brother had. his life was a fucking mess though and he could fully admit to that. his life was a disaster but as people would say to make it seem better, it built character. he hated this build of character though. it felt all wrong to him, he felt numb and lost.

the start of wars at the earliest age of sixteen. the betrayal from Eret to the faction they wanted to escape. the one that held them down with rules, ones they didn't agree with. nearly losing his life by being shot by that green fucker just to learn independence for his home in the early days. when he had though he won the elections with Wilbur a sudden card was thrown into the mix. their exile that started pogtopia as a way to find group to wage war against schlatt. the festival where... his own brother aiming to kill tubbo with fireworks before his eyes and led to a massacre at the festival. the fight in the pit with techno, kicked down and held down by his brother. the emotional and mental abuse and uncertainty from Wilbur who finally fell to madness and then against wishes and words blew up l'manburg. having to watch his father kill his brother as a means to an end but gods he knows. he knows it's killing his father internally for what he had to do. 

...

and then he was exiled by tubbo who had become the only anchor and emotional support and further of support to him. betrayed him and stabbed him through the body with his actions. 

his life really was fucked the more he thought about it. it makes him feel bitter as he lays there staring at the ceiling. he really had just been... dragged into the chaos that brewed. the chaos that _Dream_ was brewing for the desire of war. he takes a moment before he rolls to the side. reaching for his bag and sitting up. digging around in it until he finds the book and quil. flipping it open and passing the pages that reported everything.

a fucking diary he refused to tell a soul about. the only thing that gave him comfort and allowed him to stop being the facade he put up to five the illusion he was fine. to deceive that he was okay and he wasn't fucking dying inside. losing it and falling into his despair because he'll say it only once and right now. he's fucking **scared**. he doesn't know what to do but he's flipped to an empty page. biting his lower lip as he warms his hands up a bit more. finding himself to capture that he's at least lucky he isn't frozen or anything. picking up the pen, he begins to write it down.

_December 2nd, 20XX._

_I've been exiled. tubbo really exiled me. the more I think about it all after having to run out of my own home the more it makes sense. they've all been fucking deceived. this was all apart of the green bastard fuckers plans. he can't control l'manburg and he was unhappy about that. he would do anything to make sure we weren't independent and that we were weak. I have to say he's good at fucking manipulating it all without making it all point to him. everyone is a fucking puppet and he's the one pulling the strings. if he can't control something then he replaces it with what he can. eret that fucker was removed from his station because he wouldn't listen to him. He decided to fight with us so he gave that position to that colorblind fuck. then it's clear from the last war he is team chaos. he would fight chaos and start a war because that's what he wants. he has everyone held tightly by the throat. the fact that he and his fucking buddies had destroyed my home and blown it up more times before ignored. They have my discs and I did tell them I was going to fucking focus on it. Tubbo... he's a yes person. he listens too much to the input of others. he doesn't make his choices and this is why shit is like this..._

_..._

_Techno was right, the power corrupts and the government was not all it seemed to be. anarchy might just be the way, because if I join him I can do what I want. I can do what I need to do._

_..._

_I need to find him. he might not help me though so I don't know what to do after yet._

he places the pen down. closing the book and he's sitting there for a minute thinking to himself and trying to consider what he can do. he picks the book and pen up and puts them on the bedside table. beginning to get comfortable in his bed again and staring at the ceiling. he can hear the quieted howls of the wind as his eyes close. finally the exhaustion creeps and he finds his vision fade to black. he's out like a solid light and he doesn't know how long passes.

he only wakes up and is nearly throw for a shit fit when he doesn't recognize the ceiling until he recalls it all. like a roaring wave crashing down he recalls just how everything was and what had happened. He doesn't know what to feel at that very moment, a wave of numbness overcoming him. everything tells him it's okay to feel his emotions but he refrains. either consciously suppressing it all or subconsciously doing so. he knows it isn't healthy but for now he just can't allow himself to feel. he needed to gather himself before he ran through with his emotions again and grew reckless. just until he found his brother and he figured what crossroads he would be at.

he can't waste daylight though, he can see the streaks of light entering the room and filling it. rolling up and off the bed to his feet. he's packing his things again and getting ready once more. pulling his shoes on, he notably considers he needs to buy winter equipment. he won't make it far like this, he was too vulnerable to the winter elements. 

the first thing he does after getting dressed and ready is leaving the key on the counter to return. leaving the inn and he's already trying to figure out his next course of action. he needed to make trades and get equipment if he can. so he doesn't waste time getting the work. he doesn't know what amount of time passes but he's too busy running errands to get what he needs. he's trading things from value to the oddest things he doesn't question too much. eventually he has everything he thinks he needs. things that should be fine for the moment as it was. marking his movement again as he leaves the village.

trudging through the snow once more and attempting to track Techno down. he recounts... seol's?... words and takes his time to stay aware around him and try to figure out the meaning and what she knew. it's only a headache because he has no idea who she is other than someone who gave him a push. making him choose a choice for what he did next and what he finally decided.

the crunch of the snow beneath his feet as he grasps the map. eyes following where he was pointed to currently be if he was keeping track. hell he might just be fucking lost if he's being honest. he doesn't even know where of the biome he is and it's due to the fact he just ran. ran as far and fast as he could from the hellish home.

he wonders if Phil is okay.

was his father okay? he very much doubted that he was okay. two of his sons were in exile and likely wanted dead and one of his sons _was_ dead. he wanted him to know it was okay but that was risking it all by going back. he doesn't know what changes are already happening in his former home. Dream could already be changing and pulling the strings behind Tubbo without anyone suspecting a thing.

he just hopes that he stays out of the crossfire. doesn't get dragged into the shitstorm just for being his father.

he's walking and the more he walks, and the deeper in he goes he notices the changes. the subtle changes that eventually grow to rough and obvious changes. the ice that hangs from tree branches, the gentle fall of snow that's gradually stopped, the spikes of ice protruding from the earth. he notices more ice and more snow and he can only be left to assume that change was arriving. 

the more he walks the more he finds himself on terrain he doesn't know how to handle. he's using much more energy and muscle to pull through and find grounding as his moves. his muscles burn and ache in protest the more he continues. pushing himself up slippery slopes of snowy hills. pushing across the ice and being more careful than he expected. his arms ache as he grasps onto and grips to things to get himself up. prevent himself from falling to his death and worse. he's only walking and walking more. he's tired again, reminding him his stamina and physique was not as grand as some others. something he would have to work on if he wanted to win this.

it continues like this for likely hours from what he can tell. the sky is darkening and the sun is setting as he ventures further into the biome. snowfall beginning to start again and he's walking still. shivering lightly underneath the layers. the puffs of his breath and his face is cold.

nightfall comes and that's when the mobs begin to arrive. pulling the diamond axe from the side of his hop from where it resided. he wishes he still had his netherite equipment but he couldn't have that luxury. not after the chaos that ensued. so he does what he can and makes use of whatever he can.

it's a long might because its spent defending himself from being killed. switching constantly between offense and defense is tiring him out. the more tired he grows the more aware he is that he's getting more scraped up everytime. he doesn't have time to comprehend the sudden burning searing pain in his shoulder. his attention delayed with the arrow protruding from his shoulder. he feels a sudden fierce burn within his veins that feels like it's drowning him.

stumbling and his hand trembles to hover over the injury. he needs to get away and avoid getting more hurt.

 _poisoned arrow_.

he curses beneath his breath in a hushed tone when he comes to the bitter realization of that. the burn that works through his system like wildfire. ascending upon the hill only for his body begin to lose feeling and give out.

he feels himself falling as the world sways and doubles as it blurs.

the pain that blooms all over his body as he falls down and skids down the snowy hill. he cries out in pain when he feels the land on the arrow that shoves through his skin. he's laying there at the bottom with his vision clouding and fogging. blood seeping through the fabric as his face feels the ice. the stinging burning cold of snow against his face. he can hear them and he hisses to himself to move. he can't die like this, how fucking weak.

he's trying but his vision is fading and his sight wavers but he catches sight of pink briefly. his vision doubles and the corners darken but he can see a figure. a figure with red holding a weapon. pink hair that enters sight as he tries to stay awake.

"t-....ec-.. hn- o--"

it's barely audible but he can hear something being said before it goes dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaah here's the second chapter I really hope you liked it! <3
> 
> I wrote this both in the same day and tried to get around the same words but I didn't get too close I'm like 10k characters still far but that's okay! I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and please make sure to leave kudos and comments to help motivate me to continue writing!
> 
> let me know about theories and all! love you guys!
> 
> socials;  
> • Instagram ー seolvienti  
> • Twitter ー seolvienti


	3. welcome to the antarctic, theseus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tommy awakens unknowing how long he's been out but finds himself on a bed and bandaged up alone. he figures out whether the other is friend or foe in this upcoming destruction.

_The laughter is loud as the sun shines down. the sound of wooden weapons clashing and the sound of playful jeering words. his eyes follow towards the scene of his brothers._

_Wilbur and Techno are sparring by the side of their family home. wooden weapons fighting as they train against each other with laughter._

_the pulling hum when he hears a voice._

_"you want to play with your brothers, tommy? you'll have to wait a few years before that."_

_Philza looks down at him with such warm eyes. his wing raise to shield him from the heat of the sun as they watch. the familiar warmth that blooms is pleasant. a warmth he's very intent on staying with as he curls further closer into his father. in an odd way the sound of the familiar wooden swords clashing begin to lull him to sleep. the sound of the leaves of the trees that rustle._

_it's warm._

_it reminds him of happier times._

_..._

_he wishes he could be in those happier and much simpler times. where it all felt like everything was okay and maybe just maybe fate wouldn't push them around like it did with a cruel intent against them._

so where the fuck was he?

he's staring up at an unfamiliar ceiling and his body turns a bit. a sharp hiss of pain tearing through him as he winces. slowly sitting up as he bites back a cry of pain when he puts weight. weight onto the shoulder he can definitely remember seeing an arrow sticking out of. he's laying on a bed that he doesn't recognize. the heat of the room washing over him sends a sudden relaxation of muscle. however, right now wasn't the time to be relaxing. 

his shirt is discarded and only then from the amount of bandages on him does he realize. He's got more messed up than he realized. From minor scrapes to something more he's covered in bandages. he can see lingering scars that wouldn't disappear on his skin. a small groan as he swings his legs out to the side of the bed. holding his head as he tries to steady himself. his vision nearly doubling due to the sudden sharp movements.

licking his chapped lips, he raises off the bed to find... this friend or foe. hoping at the very least that whoever found him wasn't going to cannibalize him or shit. His eyes wander before he finds his shirt. yet he can't find the tear from where the arrow had torn through. his thumb rubbing over the fabric and he can sense the sewing. someone's sewn his shirt. Gods he hoped it wasn't a woman who saw him without his shirt. he very much doubted it however, this... style was familiar. Pulling the shirt over his head, he's careful with his arm. 

he takes the time then standing there to look around the room and take it all in. eyes wandering the room he can find a lot. he can find some tools and weapons hanging on the walls. some maps, books scattered, he can even find some other things. there's only one thing that does capture his full attention however when he sees it. it draws him close and he finds himself moving closer to it. his hand grasps the photo frame. his fingers briefly running over the frame as his eyes go to the photo.

it's a simple photo but he knows it too well. a brings a memory of a time before hell reigned and before they arrived here. the final photo before things began to grow messy.

it has his father ruffling his hair as he flails in faulty wrath, his brother Wilbur grinning from the bench with his guitar, Techno eating as he watches the scene, and tubbo beaming brightly with his stuffed bee.

his eyes soften as he recalls how the photo went down. he knows he can't linger for too long though and he's assured he's here. somehow. he's careful as his eyes look around. his senses still dulled and drowsy from the sleep and possible medication? he doesn't feel much pain so definitely medication. he's been drugged and this really isn't in his favor at this moment. if this was a foe he could be killed easily. friend he could be luckier but he couldn't just trust anyone. not after all of it. he needed to shield his heart even if it was difficult. he needed to cut off all lingering attachments to the home he was thrown out of. he needed to figure out who who was.

who was tommyinnit besides the one people paint him to be?

he had to find that out by himself.

but, he could tell that tommyinnit was just someone who got exposed to things he should've never had to be exposed to. a time of wrong and his decline of who he was with his mental health in tow.

the floorboards creak slightly with the weight of his steps on them. placing down the photo again and turning as he moves. stepping towards the door he hesitates for a moment. unsure where his things were and if he would be alive moments soon to be. he takes a deep breath before he opens the door. peaking through the lone quiet house? base? he's leaving the room slowly though. stepping with the creaks as his eyes wander the halls. the rug beneath his feet is fluffy and warm and he stills for a moment to relish in it. snapping at himself to keep moving as he mutters beneath his breath.

the house seems empty so he navigates his way towards where he hopes the front entrance is. it's a well furnished place with equipment and a lot of mementos. he can't exactly place some things but all of these things are familiar to him.

he finds his things by the front door along with his coat hanged and his shoes nearly kept to the side of the entrance. 

he takes a moment to move towards the door. turning the knob before opening it. a rush of cold wind has him shuddering when the door opens. it's pure white snow outside once the door is open. he doesn't see anything other than snow and whatever else lay with the land till he sees him. no matter how different he dresses to follow the flow of the biome. there's no mistaking the hair he's grown familiar with and the crown that glitters in gold.

the figure places the log of wood upwards and takes a step back before raising the axe and swinging it down. chopping firewood likely for the fireplace in the house. he stands for a moment unsure. he didn't actually expect to find him so soon. he hadn't expected it but then again he could be one lucky fucking bastard.

"why are you here?" techno doesn't hesitate to ask aloud. he's well aware his brother has much sharper senses compared to him. he briefly wonders if it would be possible to ask for his help. he takes a moment as he shuffles his boots on. taking his coat to shrug on as he steps outside. closing the door behind him he tries to figure out an answer. chewing his lower lip to think before he eventually does find a way to speak.

"I need your help."

"tommy, I gave _you_ help. the war where you made a government right in front of me when I clearly said I am an anarc-"

"you were right."

that's what makes Techno stop chopping the wood. his form turning to face him as his brows furrow. he's a mis between baffled, amused, and a look of I told you so. one that makes him frown as he stands there with his arms crossed. yet, no matter how stubborn he wanted to act... he was tired. he... just couldn't find it in him to really just be _tommy_ right then and there.

"tubbo... he's trying his best but... he sided with dream. he--" he has to pause when he feels tears begin to well. fuck. he told himself he wouldn't cry or feel.much for this but he realizes that it hurts. it hurts really bad because he didn't think any of this would happen. he just wanted that peace, the one peace he remembers having back home. but, all he knew was chaos. all he knew was warfare and wrath and-- he doesn't know. he just doesn't and that's what hurts along with it all. "--the government _isn't_ working out at all. everything is in shambles. They exiled me, tubbo gave the disc i gave him to dream and I--" 

the sudden feeling of an embrace alarms him. leaving him tumbling his words in a panic but. he finds the sense of comfort as he begins to breakdown. they were never extremely close and friendly but they were still brothers. they still held an understanding of each other. 

next thing he knows he's sitting at the counter of the kitchen while Techno is cooking something. leaving him to sulk on the counter as he recalls all of the events. gradually he spills everything to Techno about what has happened since the war and what he knows. he tells him all about piecing together what Dream was doing. how that Dream wanted warfare and chaos and if he could get that by puppeteers then he would. he tells him how it all makes sense and that maybe just maybe things truly are falling.

and he realizes that he still doesn't know about him.

"why don't you ask Wilbur for help?"

he doesn't know that Wilbur was-- Wilbur was gone. he doesn't think so due to being occupied by the withers from the war and all the chaos and destruction as he fled away.

"wilbur..." he mutters for a moment. unsure how to even tell him because fuck, how does he? how do you tell your brother who had a clear bond with the other that he's dead? how does he tell him that the brother who used to keep his hair neat is gone? the brother who smiled so warmly to them is gone? he doesn't know and he can only sit there as he holds a hand to his face. he needed to tell him or gods knows what could happen. he can feel the eyes of the older one on him. a piercing questioning gaze due to how hesitaint the younger was.

"what's happened to Wilbur?"

....

....

"Wilbur... died. after he blew up l'manburg-- he... he asked for dad to kill him. he was desperate so he couldn't ruin anything worse so dad had to... he had to kill him." 

he can see it. he can see it no matter how hard he tries to hide it. he can see the emotional fall and the flashing flutters of memories. a final conversation that eventually truly ended up being a final conversation. he seems at a loss for a moment as he stands there. this was the first time in his life he had ever seen his brother so... frozen. the first time his brother just stopped for a moment to process because he didn't want to believe it. he didn't want to either but... fuck.

there's a long silence that drags on afterwards as techno stops cooking. sitting down across from him. he isn't sure what to say or do. not even sure if he should even say anything or do anything at this moment. his eyes somewhat raising with hesitancy towards his brother. the male pinching the bridge of his nose..his elbows rest on the tables and his head presses against his clasped hands. he's still very much thinking especially but he doesn't know about what. but, he was just thinking about whatever it was.

"why did you come here?"

"I needed to find you. Like I said I need your help."

...

"I want you to help me uncover what Dream's doing, I want to... get rid of the government."

"you want to become an anarchist?"

his head raises and a brow is raised towards him. it's a moment but he nods. the stress of power and the corruption was nothing too blinding. it was obvious and he should've believed techno the moment he said it. his words whether or not liked had a brutal honesty and clarity to them. made it obvious he was speaking the truth and that he _knew_ how it would go down. usually he would deny and reject and argue but, it was true. his hands on the table tremble before his as he seems to glare at them. unsure what to do but he's angry. he's hurt. he's distressed and in pain. he doesn't know what to do with himself.

"well, welcome to the antarctic then, theseus."

the final words from Techno that signaled after a moment that he would help him. he's placed down his requirements for it though and he's agreed to follow through with the terms. he would comply with he contents of the terms and fulfill it to the very best extent. 

oddly enough they just talk for the day. they're catching up and he isn't sure why but he enjoys it. He learns more about what his brother has been doing since his exile and being a wanted man. he learns a lot and he's offered to be taught to develop more resilience and more to survive. he opts to guess that maybe techno knew his mentality state at this moment. Maybe that's why he opted to just talk as if this were a normal time. as if they were still kids at home playing around and talking without a worry. without a worry on the world and it's almost a blind bliss for him because he misses it. craves the feeling again.

he learns he's been out for a week.

he lacks tolerance for poisons so techno hadn't been sure if he would even pull through to wake up. pleasantly surprising him that he did and was functioning just as normally and fine now. even if the plans on how he planned to train him were a bit... extreme he was stil thankful. he would take whatever he could get at this rate to get the as quoted, divine retribution against those who had wronged him. 

he asks Techno about that odd stranger. he only tells him that she's someone who stands for the justice of the system. she's just a simple wanderer and it seems that they've caught her attention. not a full good fighter but decent enough but her awareness is frightful.

he's laying there in bed staring at the ceiling quietly and he wonders to himself for a bit. it's late now and hours have since passed since their talking and discussions. he knows Techno however is much more cautious and he can't blame him. But, it wasn't like he could really actually offense against his brother without getting fucking wrecked. he's fought him in the pit, they've spoken in the pit. Techno was not one to be swayed easily. a formidable opponent that really was in his very own league. a league he doesn't even know if he can reach at all. a far away dream possibly but he doesn't know.

he stirs in the bed as he grasps towards his bag. having brought it into the spare room he was allowed to reside it. he strikes a match and there's a falter in his movements. staring at the lit match as the flame dances and sways. the voices blur as he forces himself to take a deep breath. lighting the candle within the lantern. he snuffs out the flame of the match properly. flicking it into the trashcan nearby as he flipped open the journal. he can see all the past journal entries.

they're all distressed and all messy and just... he doesn't even know anymore.

grabbing the pen he begins to write another entry into the very thing he hopes keep him stable. stable and sane throughout all of this. He still had too much pride even if bad in this instant to tell. he needed to be the tommy everyone knew and either loved or hated. he needed to be their version for now while alsos watching for himself.

_December 11th, 20XX_

_well apparently I'm a weak fucking bitch to poison._

_it's been nine days since I was exiled by Tubbo... I don't know what's happening in l'mamburg but I've been feeling real uneasy all day. I don't think things are okay right now back home. They should be okay right? I don't know. I want to go home. not, l'manburg home but home. the home where it was Phil, Wilbur, Techno, Tubbo, and I just living in peace and not having to worry about war. not have to worry about who we are and just... I don't know not he fucked up??? I talked with techno today. found me when I passed out from the poison and saved my life. we may have never been close but that anarchist pig is still my brother._

_...._

_he didn't know Wil had died. When he asked me why I didn't ask him for help I knew. I knew he didn't realize that he was dead. he must've not seen it while the withers were spawned and he fled away from l'manburg to isolation. when I told him he looked broken._

_...._

_...._

_I've never seen him look broken before._

_I know Wilbur used to braid his hair and keep it neat. that was how he and techno used to bond._

_While I was walking around earlier after it was time to turn in. I saw him in the bathroom. not in the weird way but-- he cut his hair. he was hunched over the sink and his hair was short. I could hear him breaking down if that's what we call it. Wilbur can't keep his hair neat. Wilbur can't braid his hair so he's lost it and cut off what remains of a memory._

_I want to try and learn how to braid it so if he lets me I can do it for him. tell him maybe Wil would be happy but I don't know._

_how do you fucking comfort?_

_I don't know but..._

_I miss dad.  
I miss wilbur.  
I miss tubbo despite everything.  
I miss henry.  
I miss the smell of home-cooked food made by dad._

_I'm fucking tired and the more time passes missing things and hoping isn't being enough anymore. I keep getting nightmares so I don't know how I slept like a log. all I can see everhtime I close my eyes is... I don't know, memories?_

_am I stupid for following my heart like Wilbur told me to?_

his hand stops moving. sitting there hunched over the book whilst gripping the pen tightly. water dampens the pages in spots here and there. he's crying again. fuck. he's been doing a lot of crying hasn't he? wiping his eyes with his hand, he closes the book. finishing the journal entry and setting the book and pen aside. he lays dow and pulls the blankets up. staring for a moment as he turns to his side and tries to get comfortable. he can only try to hope that maybe he won't get nightmares.

he just doesn't get what he wants.

because, all he hears and all he sees and smells the moment he closes his eyes is destruction. the sound of tnt exploding, the smell of gunpowder, the smell of blood. it's burning his nose and it makes him nauseous. enough to the point he's kicking and turning around in the bed. enough to the point he's not aware he's whimpering and crying quietly.

blissfully unaware of techno stepping into the room. pulling a chair beside the bed and stopping him gently. despite the harsh flinch he slowly begins to ease up as techno holds his hand. his grip tightening around the other's as he lays there. both siblings are beyond fucked up and to them that was okay. it was just their own ugly family thing about them. they were all fucked up as they were all chaos. that's what also marked them as a family.

he still stirs in the night with small fits when the dreams are overwhelming. when he recalls trauma he never addresses. it's not even full memories, all in pieces like shards scattered around. hit blinding and agonizing flashes of memory that make him weep as he tries to sleep. so often close to stirring awake but also being lulled back to sleep by his brother. there's the silence and he's reigning between a calm and a fitful sleep.

both unaware for the brewing destruction in l'manburg. 

pushing him into exile had been the piece that knocked the rest of the dominoes down. starting the chain reaction and the butterfly affect for what was to come in due time once they returned back and burned it all to the very ground beneath them. he had loyalty but he had his limits...

...

despite those limits he still hadna sworn loyalty to tubbo as his best friend. even with the betrayal and the loss of his disc. it makes him aware that he really has a faulty with being someone with an unwavering loyalty and understanding. he never left Wilbur as he began to grow maddened because he believed in him still to follow him. just like the fact he still believed in tubbo even now. he knows that whatever happens is what happens.

and maybe they might meet unlikely friends and foes along the way.

some from people that shouldn't be there yet are. some from those who frame and deceive. fate is a tricky thing that really is unfair to those of the living.

there was always the lingering question.

_why theseus? how long had he known?_

...

"I've known since the beginning. You wanted to save them all and protect the people and your home. you sacrificed your time and energy and stability to that. your loyalty to your people is the same as his, your actions even if viewed as reckless and doubtful so play a part. because, soon they'll realize that theseus was right. you're the mark of another revolution and another war."

Techno whispers it low and quiet. those eyes hold a silent ferocity before it's quiet again. the man wonders what's to happen in the coming days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and this is the third one!
> 
> I'm def gonna try to write more so please let me know what you think so far! I hope the pacing is alright and I'm sorry for grammar mistakes! I hope you guys enjoy! I'm probably gonna try and update often but like don't expect a schedule-- I'm actually writing these chapters after chapter because I'm really excited and enjoying this story!
> 
> socials;  
> • Instagram ー seolvienti  
> • Twitter ー seolvienti


	4. the pieces that fall into place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy's unease is for a good reason. while be remains in the antarctic with Technoblade, l'manburg faces a challenging reality. Ghostbur learns of the fate that fell to his brother.

tommy's unease was correct even if he didn't know it.

within the land of l'manburg there's hardly a stir anywhere.

ever since the exile of tommy things have been different. like his brother he also has a poster but stating of his exile. casted aside and dismissed to be despised and Dream can only grin beneath the mask of the satisfaction. He holds majority if the discs and he can only grasp for power.

Phil remains unknowing on how to tell Wilbur. the boy's lingering soul he needs to resurrect pesters him. asking where tommy has gone and he doesn't know. he's learned of the fate that fell his sons. he doesn't know how the boy will react when he hears about the exile. he doesn't know how this could trigger things and whether or not this was a safe and all well idea. the possibilities were endless but he knew he'd have to tell him.

avoiding the gaze of the government around them. the sky a dulling and storming grey as storms clouds roll in. standing in the sewers which holds his son's home. he has a smile as he seems to wait for his father to speak.

_how do I tell him?_

he ponders and he almost strays to consider not but he knows better.

"now, wilbur--"

"yes?"

"there's something I need to tell you, something important."

there's the pause where Wilbur grows aware that this was going to be a serious talk. he goes to make an excuse but the look Phil gives him has him remaining. he wants him to listen no matter what. He settles on his bed as his eyes remain locked onto his father. a settling fear and he feels something inside him begin to crack. a barrier that has been continuously rebuilt and strengthened. a barrier that was cracking and with the possibility to collapse within this moment.

"tommy was exiled, Wilbur. he was placed onto trial again to hear his punishment and he was ex-" he stops when he sees the face the other makes. he sees the sudden pained look as he holds his head. trembling as he seems to recall it. because, to Wilbur at this very moment everything was crashing down. the walls he had built to block it all out and protect himself? shattered and a tidal wave after wave of emotions and memories drown him. hot stabbing flashes that bur together and he doesn't know how to take it all in.

he knows one feeling... no a couple feelings that stand out completely.

anger, despair, and distress. 

they're the feelings that burn in his veins when he recalls it all. he can't help but breakdown when he realizes what he had done. there was no separating his living from the dead. this was still him and he had caused so much despair. he weeps and he feels the clawing amount of horror when he realizes it sharply. tommy was exiled a second time and it was just another repeat of what schlatt had done to them during reign. a brewing angers stirs within him as he holds his head.

Phil watching with worried eyes as he watches his son's for tremble. eventually it stills to a stop as he holds a hand to his mouth. he looks frustrated and be looks conflicted internally. unsure on what move to make as it grew silent. He can see him try to begin to speak but ultimately falter as he attempts. a clear mess to figure out what to say and how to say it but there's no rush.

he can only hope tommy was safe.

he knew Techno could take care of himself but Tommy?

he was someone who wanted peace but he also knew that by being his son he only knew chaos. tommy was still the youngest child and he still had a lot to learn. he deserved to just be doing regular teenage things right now. not being exiled at sixteen and thrown aside by order. he had all reason to fully worry for tommy. he doesn't know how to let the emotional toll on him show. he'd put up a facade that all was well when all wasn't well. by some prayer he just hopes tommy is safe with someone. let it be Techno or someone else he just wanted his son safe.

he commonly though wanted all his sons to be happy. to not be so miserable and he feels a guilt that he failed to. he failed to ensure they could be happy and now he's losing his sons left and right. two exiled and one who no longer is one with the land of the living.

"t- tommy got exiled? again? why? I- I don't understand." there's a tremble and a bordering rage and distress in his words. his eyes are those of horror and panic the more he thinks about it. his eyes raising to look at his father and he feels his heart squeeze. he's seen that look before, Phil had seen it many times before even his son. the look that forever haunted him from his time of... no he cannot think about it. this wasn't the same but-- no no. he can't think that way. he needs to focus again for them all.

but, the face Wilbur makes is a face he's _never_ seen on his face before. the face of someone who was borderline close to snapping and falling apart on a falling wrathful anger. he doesn't dare say a word when the face is made. only taking course once the expression seems to die down a bit. it's filled with raw emotions he can't completely specify but... that face. that expression was one that could cause petrification as if they were Medusa. he only knows it's filled with discord of his emotions however.

"we-- we can't just let this stand. Tommy-- Tommy may run by his emotions majority of the time but-" 

he's trying to figure it out. trying to piece it together and string along a coherent sentence. an idea at the very least on how to tackle and deal this problem. the issue being their lack of idea and their lack of authority. one had no hand in the living realm and another was just well. he may be the father of three forces of nature but he lacked authority. he lacked power to say the very least admittedly. they needed power unless they desired to resort to options they didn't want to resort to. 

this wasn't the first time they've encountered something... that was rather incredibly unpleasant. 

"wilbur you need to calm down. take a few deep breaths because we can't help tommy right now. not like this at least without any cards of our own to use."

they needed to find things they could use against them. they neded to gather their cards and figure out who was a friend or foe. the stirring emotion as he watches Wilbur mutter something as he fades off. vanishing into a veil of smoke but he doesn't mind. standing up he begins to put all the pieces where they needed to be. he took views from all sides and he knows there's a place he needs to go to uncover whatever was being developed.

he needed to find the archives.

phil may be someone who's constantly stood a neutral grounding and let the others do something, but-- that was because he _knew_ they would do something. this time the longer he looked at it the more he knew they wouldn't. not everyone would do a thing within this situation. why? because he can finally piece it all now that a major piece has fallen from the game board. 

these were the pieces that fall into place.

he doesn't know how he hasn't fucking seen it. the moment he was told everything he doesn't know how this managed to slip right past him. this would mean the player pulling the strings was the one with the most power. there weren't a lot of people who had that capability. not a lot of people who could slip past him when it came to it. there was a player that he knows can make the tides shift to baffle.

that player being Dream.

climbing from the sewers he works on heading to the archives. left alone with the sound of his steps and the rising winds of storm. he hopes they're okay as he walks. Dream was a very formidable opponent on the battlefield for reasons. he was someone he didn't join with for a reason. his entire air and everything about him seemed so... **wrong**. he knew why now and it was all making sense. that man was team chaos, standing with those who could give what he wanted. suppressing those who dared to try and escape his hold of power. eliminating those on the board on the enemy side. 

a mental chess board begins to form as his eyes wander. you couldn't see the faces of the players but-- on the side of the enemy the player of the board was Dream. he's collected a majority of pieces and there are not many left on the game board for the side of his. how does he wrestle to grasp to make up for lost pieces? he knows who the player for his side of the board is. he knows who the targets are. 

the targets were his family and those that controlled l'manburg.

Wilbur had made l'manburg to gain independence and freedom. a home for him and the others who wanted away from the dream faction. likely for a good reason as well to desire to faction off to his own. Dream pulling the strings with a full on moving war once Jschlatt took to power. the offer made to him was likely power to l'manburg. Wilbur defied him... he _knew_ what he wanted then. he wanted l'manburg and he knew that even as he was spiraling farther down losing it. his forever unfinished symphony is still the land Dream desires to conquer. he can't even help but flinch at the memories associated with conquering.

Techno was a card that chose its side by itself. unswayed by most things and only joining to bring anarchy and chaos. Techno had his own moral code however. one that he followed in a way that wasn't obvious to others. Techno had been by his side much longer compared to his other sons. he had conquered with him before they drew to close. they had faced things that changed both father and son. he was much more aware and sharpened to the senses. he was just as formidable as Dream was and the possibility of his growth is clear. pulling the strings to make sure he was exiled for being a traitor to l'manburg. which meant one more person who could stand in his way was gone. left to gods knows where away from everyone and into solitude. he never approved of governments for a reason, he knew why that was so.

Tubbo being the president of l'manburg served as a valued player. he was a naive child but he was also as sharp and intelligent. he had the pressure of the country on his shoulders. Dream knew how to press him and pressure to get what he wanted. he had wasted tommy exiled or he wanted the disc. he was pressured to exile him and he was pressured to also give the discs to the man in green. he was a yesman and that was proving to the issue. he was trying his best but he also relied on input and help. he was being swallowed by the positions stress. things were taking a changing turn for chaos.

Fundy, his nephew taken to be engaged by Dream. he was also someone currently in power if he thought about it. adding on fundy but emotionally vulnerable right now. his mental state not together with how much hell he's endured. needing love and for someone to appreciate him like he did deserve. Dream only using that as a way to fuel his power and touch into l'manburg. he was using his poor grandson as a stepping stone to his desiring dream ( no pun intended ). he was a player who could either break from the hold or someone who'd get swallowed into the hold completely.

Tommy was the next target pushed from the table. his exile is the one that pushes the rest to move. his piece holding the more force to it as it all begins to fall and piece together. It was a way Dream took advantage of a situation and made it play for the favor of his game and personal grudge. his son wanted peace but all he knew was chaos and that was a difficult thing to break. yet he tried. he never understood why not many thought he would get it. tommy was just as sharp to sense something was wrong when it came down to it. he shares equal parts to return a favor if done to him. the one who could've ruined everything if he had been listened to. the one who could've ruined Dream's pl--

"hello, Phil."

eyes raise and then suddenly within the path there was no soul in sight. only a falling feather from who had once been there.

Ranboo standing with his back against the building wall. a bead of sweat rolling down the side of his face as he stood there. quietly and quickly leaving the scene as fast as he can. his heart hammering in his ears as he refuses to look behind himself. he fears for what he could see behind him. he fears for what he witnessed wasn't something he was supposed to. he can't be found.

just with that the brewing storm becomes a storm with lightning rumbling within the clouds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sjfjakdk okay but deadass thank you guys sm for reading this story! I'm so happy to share this all with you and I'll deadass try to post like 3 chapters a day if I can skwkkdks. please make sure to share, kudos, comment, and bookmark! 
> 
> enjoy this chapter of where we see some things finally settle into place and starts the mark of chaos! sorry this chapter is short but I'm sick! I'll try and make it longer <3
> 
> socials;  
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> • Twitter ー seolvienti


	5. finding the cards

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> while a storm builds within l'manburg tommy and Techno are left to find cards to aid their side within the war. a side which only has them both unless there's a sudden friend among the mix?

tommy has dreams that compose of both hellish nightmares but also blissful memories.

he dreams of his first exile with Wilbur and the way arrows rained down towards them. then it turns to a memory of techno spraying them with a hose as children on a hot summer day. laughing with delight as they run around. his dreams change before he feels a sudden odd wave of ease wash over his body. his conscious unaware why but he doesn't push away the dreams of pleasantries.

his new continuing dreams consist of the memories he still hole closely. memories that hold a significance and an amount of meaning to him.

they're memories that consist of sitting with tubbo and listening to one of the music discs. just talking and sort of just staring ahead as they just laugh. memories consisting of adventures with his family as they went camping and just bonded. memories where it was only banter between them and sharing moments as they caught up. Henry the cow before be was wrongfully killed.

...

...

memories of...

he doesn't know anymore.

as he sleeps he remains unknowing of techno sitting by his bedside holding his hand. unknowing to the fact that he found comfort in his brother who made him feel... safe. he felt safe and protected because of him. he despite everything had the air around him that just made him feel like nothing would come. nothing would harm or taunt him if he was with him. oh how embarrassed he'd be if he ended up uttering that to his brother. that he made him feel safe despite it all. then again that was an odd thing about siblings. especially with this set, they felt a sense of familiarity to each other. a sense of safety with each other no matter what. 

Techno may have well... literally committed a massacre and spawned withers at the end of a war sure yeah. but, Techno did still made an attempt to extend a hand towards them. he gave a warning and he never had to. Things were coming circle with his words because he was much more quick. much more quick to know when something was at play. that was the one thing others couldn't entirely grasp as he could. that's why he was also a key player when it came to having him in combat. 

he noticed the minor details the opponent made.

that's why to Dream, Techno either joined him or perished.

which was unlikely of course. Techno didn't take being ordered lightly. especially when it was ordered in a way someone at the top of a hierarchy would. it was like lighting a fuse to not just a stack of dynamite but something much more worse. something the others don't know about but something they as a family do. Techno if it weren't for his patience and further would be a hellbeing of reckoning that no one could cross. not without having to deal with the repercussions that came with it. 

he's never gonna get fucking used to seeing this ceiling. it only reminds him that he indeed is not back home. the rustle of the sheets but he stops his movements for a moment. holding a hand to his heart, he feels it squeezing painfully. it feels like something is stabbing at him to know something feels really wrong. like something has happened and he doesn't know what it is. it panics him a bit with the sudden wave of pain and nausea in his body.

this feels like the feeling he felt before but much _worse_. he doesn't know why but he doesn't have a good feeling.

he'll try and ignore it for now while he can.

the first thing he does notice though is Techno sort of leaning back in a chair beside the bed. holding his hand as he seems to sleep, he looks exhausted. his short hair is uneven and even he can notice that. he doesn't dare raise question yet but he slowly and carefully removed his hand. dragging the blanket from the bed to drape it on his brother and carefully placing it.

scratching his head, he quietly leaves the room and wanders to the bathroom. he's long due for a shower definitely. especially with how much he's sweat from the nightmares and more.

the first thing after showering he does is step into the kitchen. contrary to belief, tommy _can_ cook. while he couldn't always spar with his brothers he was often on the house cooking with Phil. or-- helping him really but he has his fair knowledge and trade of housework admittedly. sometimes scolded about the dishwasher but hey it was fine!

he's rummaging through cabinets and the fridge for ingredients. managing to find some things he can use to make breakfast. a lot of potatoes as well but that was Techno. he should tell him to get more groceries because bloody fucking hell at this point-- at this point all he had were fucking potatoes and he can only take so much. the igniting of the stove as he places the pan onto the stove. he gets cooking and lets himself distract himself.

he's busy moving around the kitchen cooking that he barely hears him. only registering the arrival of him when he sees him settle down at the counter rubbing his face tiredly. one of the few times he isn't wearing his pig skull or mask or whatever. it was his own way of trust really. in his own way it was just how he showed he was comfortable.

"you should I dont know... get more fucking things?? because all you have are fucking potatoes at this point."

"Well you see tommy, I didn't really expect a guest, tommy--"

"shut the fuck up."

All he gets in return is a snarling grin from the other as he sits there. letting him mutter his profanities beneath his breath before he turned the stove off. somehow managing to find plates to put the food on to place on the table. but there's at least a quiet polite thank you from Techno before he begins to eat. they sit on silence other than the sounds of utensils clinking against the plates.

"tommy I'm thinking we need to work on your tolerance."

"for what?"

"everything you can't tolerate."

"so everything then."

and then it's a pointed staredown between the both of them. unwavering eyes as the pink haired man blinks slowly a few times. almost as if he wants to say something but he refrains from doing so. he as well also refraining from saying anything else at the moment. its a silence again but somehow it's still somewhat comfortable after that.

moments pass while he searches for something to talk about. sort of mentally deciding what he would bring up right now for today. did he still wanna momentarily pretend he wasn't exiled? did he want to just pretend for a few moments about... he didn't know. just pretend maybe they were a fucked up shambles of a mess?

"your hair is uneven." 

it's enough to make him stop eating. his eyes drawn to the uneven mess of pink hair. pink hair once formerly long and holding an elegant feeling to. messy ruffled up hair short and uneven now. a rushed job through a fit of emotions that soared through the heart and veins. 

"I can fix it if you want-- or try to." there were no promises he would do good but he could do it. he's had his share of doing trims and fixing some hair. considerably during war and just life he guessed it happened. He did it whenever there was no time to go out for and all. so he had some experience but also inexperience when it came down to it.

"sure, just don't fuck my hair up."

"you already did that."

"har har... then don't make it worse, tommyinnit." 

the roll of the eyes from the other male. a scoffing look in his eyes that twinkled but also follows along with amusement. eventually he finds himself sitting in the bathroom with him now. scissors and some combs on the sink. working on his hair and its silence other the the sound of hair being cut. snipping through and sort of focusing the best he can. he never realized it before but his hair reminds him of fucking cotton candy. it was soft too so that added onto it. 

he wonders if this was the first thing Wilbur thought when braiding his hair as well. he wonders if he ever acted out and commented it. commented that his hair reminded him of cotton candy. comment that his hair was soft and he enjoyed braiding it. or... or maybe this was a silent thing they always did over the course of growing up. evolving to talk as they discussed before a major event just both. he wonders if Wilbur ever talked to discuss with Techno what he would be doing. telling him as he braided his hair while sitting in pogtopia.

_this might just be the last time I braid your hair y'know?_

did... did Wilbur ever just do that? just said that in a joking of manner despite knowing that? he wonders a lot because he doesn't know his brothers fully but he knows them well. he wonders if he could've stopped things from derailing especially. to not have to cause his brother's death that might have had the chance to prevent but didn't. 

he can't undo it... maybe he can but who knows. he doesn't drift too far into his thoughts and focuses on the hair. he doesn't want to accidentally chop something he shouldn't off after all.

it's a comfortable silence and he's sometimes moving around for a better view. in the mirror techno is left staring off for a moment. somewhat watching him as he worked on his hair. it's a silence that's comfortable and there's no need to ruin the moment with words. eventually he finishes and sorts of dusts off the hair he cut. setting down the scissors as he looks for a moment. seemingly satisfied with how he had done it as he stepped back. 

"yes, be flattered and sing praise that I can fix your birds nest of a hair."

"never."

it's placing a work of sassing argument over thanks and not. but, it gets a chuckle and a short laugh from them. it's been too long since they've had this banter. but, he knows they can't keep staying in this calmness. they still had work to do because... they needed to stop the fall of chaos. as much as that brought on divine retribution, he still needed to make sure everyone was okay. even of they were the reason he was fucking exiled they were pawns of the game. roped into something they didn't see.

he hates to admit it but Dream was fucking good. 

it was unsettling how good he was at preparing the game board and pulling the strings. not good enough however to completely blind all of them. 

eventually he finds himself following right beside techno. this time he's not walking behind his brother. he's walking side by side to him as they seek out a snowy village. the snow crunches beneath their weight as they walk. he's much more appropriately dressed again for the winter. right now they're simply going out to gather some things they'd need. right now they needed a lot due to a few facts. one major fact clearly obvious.

time passes by and he's too focused on following along to care. surprisingly even despite it all he's still joking and fucking around with Techno as they gather materials and more. Additionally making him build more stamina to try and keep up. consideration to take some breaks here and there when it's needed however. eventually they've gathered most of their things. a few more areas they needed to go to but lacked time for today. they'd have to go to them another day so it was for another time.

their way back leads to a discussion about how he just lacked fucking tolerance for a lot of shit. how it baffled even fucking techno he was alive but he was a literal leech to life. couldn't shake him off to die easily either. he was a stubborn one as he was foul as fucking hell and he had his pride in that.

"Well then just make me tolerant."

"tommy I can't just make you su--"

"no big man, by making me tolerant just-- I'll let you literally fucking poison and fight me and shit. like don't do any weak ass shit and just go as far you see fit or something."

now he knew by saying this he was giving him a lot of fucking say. he could potentially kill him but he'd just fucking haunt him if he did. mockery. adding on yes, he's a fucking leech to life and he's too stubborn to drop dead as a corpse. 

the look techno gives him is silently asking if he's even remotely sure he wants to. even with that skull his emotions show because he knows. he's known him since he was born. he knows how his emotions showed and reflected just from his body or voice. his gestures. he could figure it out usually and that always seemed to surprise people for no good reason if he's being very honest. they simply weren't trying to really see it. to know what he meant because gods knows he and the others gets it.

"then we need to build up your tolerance to poisons, venous, pain, all of it." he tells him in full detail just what to expect then. full detail that he plans on really making sure thoroughly that he develops a strong tolerance. getting his permission once more to go ahead and push him to his limits. this was all what he wanted him to do. he wanted him to push his limits so his body could adapt. he wanted to not be a liability when it came down to resistance. he's been told he's a liability and although it stings him. he can be because he was reckless and harsh. yet there was the thing that he was a good fucking actor if he needed to be. too often more than assumed of him. by naught was he useless as an individual or anything. he made sure to do his portion and by fucking miles did he do his portion as he is asked to.

he describes to him in a thorough detail about how it was gonna work. that while they were also gonna push his limits and tolerance. they were still going to take breaks over the courses just so his body could somewhat recover before they jumped back in. described the amounts of pain he would be in (which would be absolutely excruciating terrible fucking pain apparently for some). just generally described all of it in the best way possible. 

their arrival back is swift and by a sort of death stare and slight whacking. they're putting things away in chests by type. resources divided by either wood, values, stone, all of it. a neat little system to keep things in an ordered fashion. some chests for very specific things. it only lets him learn that his brother didn't fucking around. he had stacks upon stacks of things he would never expect to see. he worked hard and anyone can tell because by no means are these things easy. he worked hard to get these things and he just shows how much of a different league he is. he's leagues of his own higher away from them all. 

it's almost unsettling.

somehow he finds himself a home. a home in an unlikely place really. even despite how fucking cold this place was it was pleasant. pleasant since he was with him oddly enough. he's managed to even put aside some things done. his mind feels clearer especially. he doesn't feel like a fucking terrible mess of disorganization and disorientation. he can think and actually make a piece of whatever he was thinking about.

he's even able to begin to write down in another journal, one provided by Techno of what Dream plans and all of it. he's managing to not feel like he has to just not. 

he writes down the events of this hell and how everything was connecting. he writes down how involved everyone is but how unrealized it was. he writes who's in possible danger and how things can go wrong. he usually wrote stupid shit and fucked around but this was serious. though it didn't stop him from making stupid side comments in the journal.

he sometimes writes some other things.

eventually he's written all he can think of for the moment. placing the pen down and sitting there in his seat. listening to the deafening silence that was overbearing. he's left alone with his thoughts because Techno was gone doing something. a deepened sigh as his eyes flutter closed.

the memories that come the moment he closes his eyes make him flinch.

he gets memories that just get so loud. the yelling, the-- he just. he remembers it all and it makes him fucking angry as it does distressed. it makes him want to tear his own hair out and scream it all out. yell and swear as he cries and wails. he can only feel a disturbed sense of feeling rising in him. like the sharp urge to vomit because it's all too much for him. he can't take it and he isn't ready to approach the trauma hell he has. unwilling to yet deal with it, not alone anyways. 

he exhales as his eyes flutter open. a pressuring headache at his temple as he shifts his position on the chair.

he needs a breather.

off the seat he heads towards the front door. his body aching from fatigue and exhaustion from the errands. grabbing his coat he slips it on again and pulls his winter boots on. grabbing the diamond axe that laid against the small shoe compartment. he opens the door and steps out. a deep inhale of the cold bitter air, he closes the door behind him.

stepping from the porch and down the steps into the snow. the crunch is audible and he makes his way to the frozen lake ways away. it wasn't too far, just a small slope down and all so that was it.

he's careful as he slips down. keeping to make sure his footing was fine before he trudges to the edge of the lake. sitting down at the edge and just suddenly laying back. a soft, 'oomph' escaping him as he does. it's cold and he'd likely dampen the clothing but who cared. it was winter clothes and it was made for it anyways. staring ahead and waiting as the clouds move and the sky remains a bright blue for now. he's surprised to hear the familiar voice again.

"i can see you plan on big things, tommy."

he's staring up at her. she's looking down at him standing as she speaks. his head and eyes following her as she settled down right beside him. clicking her tongue, she looks towards him with a tense gaze.

"tommy, you know don't you?"

"I know."

she seems to nod at his words. accepting them how they are. that he knows what's happening and of all the cards. that he knows who she is to some degree. he doesn't know how she got here or why she was here but it's becoming clear. there's reason to why she is here and why she remains. she could also offer a hand in this war but who knew if she'd stick around long enough for that.

"I am the hand of judgement. As that hand, tommy, I'll be standing right there beside your side in the war. watching your retribution to those who wronged you. I'll be the one to tell who the players controlling the sides are."

"what do you mean controlling the sides?"

she seems to pause thoughtfully for a moment. eventually beginning to speak once she's figured out what to say.

"Dream controls the side you know. the enemy. someone had to also control this side. the side of change to reckon a new era for all hands."

she holds her hand out, extending it out to the sky for a moment and she let's out a sigh.

he doesn't even know how to react. because, in a way she was right... she was correct. both sides had someone playing them with control. he doesn't know who's controlling this side but fuck he knows one thing definitely to himself. he wasn't going to be controlled anymore. he refused to be controlled now after all the hell. the government can corrupt so easily. he can't bear it anymore to see the destruction because it truly didn't end with just schlatt. it ends with the government they've placed on them.

"if there is someone who controls this fucking destructive side then, I'll wrestle that control from them. because, fuck that, I'm doing my stand with Techno." he means his words. the narrowing squint of his eyes. he means that he plans on taking control if he needed and turning the sides and throwing them all in a bout of chaos.

she can only nod before she begins to get up.

"then good lucky, tommy. I'll see you on the day where it all shows down for war. if you need a favor, feel free to call the name into the woods with your request." standing up she gives a small nod towards him. flashing a sharp grin before she's off again. somehow, he's already lost sight of her just as he looks towards her. moving away already and she's just gone from him so he sits up.

she's someone who confuses it all. her existence seems like it shouldn't be there yet is. a scary thing but he knows, she's given him some valuable information to dissect.

finding the cards held might not be impossible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it seems tommy boy will be building up his tolerance to quite a few things! adding on finding more cards to put onto the table hidden by the pieces!
> 
> might do a Q&A for this story!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter and make sure to leave a comment, kudos, and bookmark!
> 
> socials;  
> • Instagram ー seolvienti  
> • Twitter ー seolvienti


	6. unresolved emotions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> while some time has passed, Tommy has begun to work on developing tolerance for a fuck ton of things. however, that doesn't mean the more time spent means feelings of hurt are let go to fade away.

_the sun is rising ever so slowly. coming above the horizon as orange hues mix with the growing blue of day. the moon that sinks behind them with the sun rising before them. it's always been fine. they're sitting there after obtaining their independence._

_sitting on that bench just talking and laughing along themselves. celebrating their victory over the fact they gained their independence. quietly near them, tommy had a disc playing. creating a new memory for him to treasure._

_the howling laughter before it quiets to a comfortable silence._

_"hey, tubbo?"_

_"yeah?"_

_"us against the world yeah?"_

_"us against the world."_

_with the agreement, the two share silly grins. looking back to sunrise as they fall into a comfortable silence. left to embrace the sun against them and their victory._

_..._

_...._

_what happened to them against the world?_

it's been a while since the start of this whole fiasco.

he _almost_ doesn't even notice how much time has passed.

key word; almost.

despite how everything was going, how busy he was. he still felt... lost. and he fucking hated being lost. considering last time he did he had to call techno because he didn't know where in the fucking lands he was. then again that was in the physical lost, this was an emotional one. he was lost with emotions and he was unsure what to do with them. he usually suppressed it all by yelling and being incredibly loud. doing things with tubbo and shit. he couldn't do that right now though. not with how disastrous everything had turned to be.

despite literally getting fucked wrecked with his mental state and shit, he was still left with emotions that built up. now that he was out and actually focusing and away from the hell. his emotions he's begun to let reveal are rising too quickly. drowning him because he doesn't realize he's suppressed so much. like a tsunami crashing and drowning him. dragging him deep under again and again. not allowing him to recover until he acted.

not until he addressed the pain.

somehow he actually can't find the time or chance to talk to techno. either of them are either away or doing something. losing track of each other and even when they see each other it's brief. roughly he's estimating its been a solid month. they've already entered a new year and its the first month of the year. he doesn't know what's happening in l'mamburg but he hears whispers. whispers that something is happening in l'manburg and that it's something unsavory. that those who went near that territory would not experience anything lovely.

he wonders what happens but he never searches. but yet, he didn't have it in him to yet. but, he was growing more worried for the others back home. he was worried how they were handling and if they were surviving and all. they were all capable yes but, this was gods knows what. he worries and that's something weird about this... person he is. he's learning more about himself and it's still weird as shit.

like what the fuck he doesn't know whats even going on. he was just working with whatever seemed right. right now all that he's consisting of is waiting for techno and what poison he was gonna fucking hurt him with this time. taking this moment now to dwell upon theseus once more. dwell upon just how techno seemed to know since he had mentioned it. he doesn't know what techno's experienced but it must've been something if he brought that up.

theseus was a hero from what he remembered. known for slaying the minotaur and ruling his city? state? however something happened and he was exiled by his people. he died in disgrace and... he's trying to consider it. he knows somewhere someone had been blabbering on about that topic somewhere.

it's incredibly fucking unsettling the more he can relate to him. although he never considered himself to be the hero. he wasn't a hero was he? it's confusing to him really but he makes no comment on it. just like the hero he had been exiled. would that mean he would die a disgraced death as well?

the creak from the door has his immediate attention.

techno had returned from whatever he had been doing. likely gathering resources from god knows where. he seems tired but also much more aware in a way. his eyes follow his brother who settles down to find whatever next came to poisoning him. his chest has been squeezing too often now. his heart hurts and he knows it's not the poison or anything like that this time. like an omen that something bad was happening. he just didn't know what the fuck it meant.

he needs to talk with him. he isn't sure how and he is just left sitting there questioning. his mind stirs for him to finally do it, shoving him to do it. his heart leapt in his throat before he clears his throat awkwardly. he slowly sits down near techno. the one who raises his head when he feels the clear anxiety from him.

he was never the best with hiding his emotions admittedly.

"why did you hurt tubbo?"

his voice cracks and he can't help but grimace at it. he just needed to know. why had he killed his best fri... can he be called that? he isn't sure but his mouth feels dry as sand. he wants to know while he still can, or else these emotions will drag him down.

"well, tommy, it's something called peer pressured. I'm not _very_ good with it. and, the voices demanded blood."

he answers it honestly that it's genuine enough he can sense it entirely. he knew about these voices but didn't know a lot about them. just knew they tended to influence thoughts, he knew phil had them and so did techno. wilbur and him didn't have the voices, which seemed to be a very good thing to be.

"I... one day I might choose tubbo's side from yours. but, it's not because I hate you or anything. I tend to- I tend to try and connect to familiar things again for stability-" he swallows the lump in his throat. blinking a few times quickly as he takes a deep breath. his voice is trembling badly as he overwhelms himself with emotions. techno wants to say something but he continues. he can't back down now. this was the time he could.

"I don't know why you hate governments and whatever. I just know a few vague snips from phil. but, you know l'manberg isn't very... independent as we like. it wasn't meant to be a government. just... just a place we could call home. so we could step away from the tyranny of dream. I know you'll tear it apart the moment you get the chance to though."

and, that was okay. he could cry about it but he would never be able to change it. they had their different view points. they thought differently and considered differently. there was no changing it as much as it was desired to. he cannot help but let a few salty tears drip down. using his bandaged hands to wipe his eyes.

he just knows techno ruffles his hair slightly. awkwardly trying to offer some sort of comfort. they eventually do talk more. they talk about a lot, to discuss the pain either parties felt. that of course they were all human beings as well. they all had feelings with emotions that could still get hurt. they talk and talk about a lot of things.

he doesn't even feel the poison in his veins when it's registered. 

he feels a slight burn but it fades away. his tolerance is admittedly soaring to new heights, he was adapting. his body is developing the tolerant resistance. soon enough they will move into the next step. practicing and seeing the full ability of his combat. he's good at combat but it's never fully gone to use with the chaos. 

it's an emotional high honestly, the spilling emotions even after their tolerance build up and talk. he's laying on the bed again weeping to himself. he doesn't have any reason why but he's a weeping mess. trying to quiet down his soft sobs and not disturb the house. he misses his home. he misses the simpler days of fun. he misses doing dumb things and being kids.

he misses not being a child soldier and a pawn on a game board. 

he wishes he wasn't so fucked up. he wishes he could've done a lot more to prevent a lot. he wishes a lot of things but what's the point? there's no changing what's happened now, if it happened then it happened.

_January 7th, 20XX_

_a month and 5 days since exile._

_techno and I have been, I don't fucking know bonding? it's just been really weird honestly. my tolerance to poisons have increased to the point I don't even feel it. we're almost down with the tolerance phase. although the poison is only one of many I can't tolerate._

_techno wants to try to pvp to evaluate my combat. he wants to get me better in whatever I end up lacking._

_..._

_I hear whispers whenever I enter the village lately. whispers about the nation l'manberg and they talk about what brews. they talk of obsidian walls that tower higher than the eye can see. that there are constant guards and that a man with a white mask runs the show._

_dream._

_I need to fucking get rid of that asshole. I need to get rid of him. he's a monster. he's playing with us like we're game pieces on a game board. will they see what kind of monster he is like I do? hope so or they truly might just be fucked._

_I also cried like a bitch for hours. don't know why but fuck feelings. amen amen to that._

_...._

_....._

_I don't know what to do or say anymore._

he closes the notebook again. exhaling as he tucks the book and pencil away. his eyes red from crying before, he gets himself comfortable and simply thinks for now.

not all of his emotions are resolved. he still had a lot of unresolved emotions but he'd work on it. work on figuring himself out and straightening out the chaos.

the next step he knew for sure what gathering more information. getting stronger and doing whatever he had to do.

pushing aside the chaotic mess of his thoughts. his eyes grow heavy and his eyes close. the moment he slips unconscious he dreams a memory, sitting in the forest. tubbo is there as is wilbur, techno, and phil. phil and tubbo talk while wilbur plays his guitar, he's holding the end of techno's cloak around him for more warmth.

it's... warm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> badum ts!
> 
> HOPE YOU MISSED ME! I've been getting back into the groove of writing again so hey! look forward to possible updates, not so many definite ones.
> 
> remember to leave a kudos, hit, comment, and bookmark if you enjoyed this chapter!
> 
> socials;  
> • Instagram ー seolvienti  
> • Twitter ー seolvienti [ L is a capital i ]
> 
> other works;  
> • blooming [ updates soon to be found out ]  
> • ichor [ updates once every week ]

**Author's Note:**

> I hope all of you enjoyed the prologue? first chapter of theseus! I'll try to update when I can and please let me know what you thought of this chapter! I've never done this before so yeah haha <3 possibly a villain tommy? who knows!
> 
> socials;  
> • Instagram ー seolvienti  
> • Twitter ー seolvienti


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